BYO(insert item here)

You know when you get invited to a BBQ and you're like, "Sweet! Free food and fun!" Then you see these four little letters: BYOM (Bring Your Own Meat). And then you say, "Oh, um, nvm."

Or when you get invited to a game night or movie night and they say BYOS (Bring Your Own Snacks). It's like, sheesh, what are you even providing for me?! A location. That's it. A location. You're planning a party, but everyone else is providing their own everything. You're just taking credit for the party. You might as well say BYOM (Bring Your Own Movie).

Imagine this...

Cute boy: "Hey, what are you doing this weekend? Would you like to go on a date?"
Excited girl: "Why, yes I would!"
Cute boy: "Okay great! It's BYOD! See you thurrr!"

I personally believe that, if you're going to plan a party, you should actually provide the party. 
If you're going to plan a BBQ, you should provide the BBQ. Not just the grill.
If you're going to plan a movie night, you should provide the movie and the snacks.

But I've been known to have some pretty crazy opinions on things.

hugs and how to use them.

You're saying goodbye to a friend or maybe a date. Someone that you've never hugged because you're just getting to know each other. Well, this time you give them a hug and they just put their arms around you and don't squeeze.

Those 'hugs' are the worst.

Like the dead fish handshake, but the dead fish hug with no shake.

This happened to me recently. Before that, the first time I had ever experienced this to my recollection was this summer on a date. I said, 'Thanks, see ya," and gave him a hug and he just put his arms on my back. I could barely feel them. I immediately thought, "Never see ya," and shuddered at the thought of that one-sided hug.

Don't people know proper hug technique? From a young age I learned how to properly hug, and practiced on my parents and siblings more than daily.

Other than just that horribly awkward lack of squeeze during a hug, something else that needs to be improved by many people is knowing which hug to use.

I found some hugging techniques on some website. It gives instructions for three different types of hugs. I beg to differ on some of the explanations, so here you go.

1. Slow-dance: 
Her arms will go upward to around his neck and his arms will go under hers. He can put his arms around her waist or higher up her back. The lower his hands go on her back, the more suggestive the hug is. This can be a very intimate hug—use it wisely.

In my opinion, this is a good hug with men who are not very tall. Or it's good when you come home and give your dad a big bear hug where he lifts you up off the floor. Intimate, shmintimate. Unless you're into that sort of thing. 

2. Big bear and little bear: 
Her arms will go below his and he will wrap around her back while her arms wrap around his waist. This is a friendlier hug and allows her to be pulled close to him and have her head rest on his chest.

Actually, this is the best hug. It doesn't have to always be 'friendly'.  I think it can be the most romantical of all. The best is when you're hugging a skinny, tall man and your arms go all the way around that skinny waist. You can't go wrong with this hug unless... you're hugging a short guy. But every hug is wrong with a short guy. (i.e. a guy that is an inch or less taller than you.)

3. Criss-cross: 
One arm goes up and the other goes down to create an "x" with his arms and hers. This can lead to the perfect "pull back and kiss" position where both of you still have your arms holding on to each other with enough room to still kiss.

This hug is the worst hug to use, unless you're hugging your aunt. Another name for this hug is the awkward hug. This hug says, "I'm afraid of the opposite gender."

So, moral of this post is...
Hugs and how to use them.

fb friends.

Something I don't care for:

When you are starting to become goodish friends with someone and they ask you either of the following:
A: "Are we Facebook friends?"
B: "Why aren't we Facebook friends?!"

This usually happens with a member of the opposite gender.

To answer question A, if you don't know whether or not we're Facebook friends then obviously it's not that important. But then you probably really do know that we're not Facebook friends so you're just acting stupid for whatever reason. You really could just send a request and bypass the asking stupid questions, because it's obvious that you've already stalked me (Because that's just what people do in our day and age).

For question B, the answer is simple. Because you didn't add me. We're not Facebook friends because you didn't add me. So, now that we've got that cleared up. 

what's in a name?

pretty much... everything.

the name someone gives their child determines their destiny.

for example, if you name your kid angel, she will automatically be weird.

if you name your kid emily, she will turn out pretty neat.

if you name your kid stephanie, but spell it steffineigh, people will be confused about her race.

speaking of race, if you're black, you can name your kid whatever you want.

if you name your kid an old person name like roger or deborah, they probably won't ever get married. unless they find each other. but, then again, that's not really saying much because i have a nice name and i'm not even close to married... so roger, you might be my only hope.

if your last name has to do with nature, don't make your child's first name naturey too. like... if your last name is wood, don't name your kid autumn. or if your last name is meadows, don't name your kid crystal. maybe don't ever name your kid crystal though.

the other thing is though, that if you name your kid a popular name, like emily, there will be a billion other emily's. and then at school they won't go by emily. they'll go by emily j. and who wants to be called emily j? 

it's all very stressful.

life lessons: on being a man

I am convinced I would be twice the man as most men if only I was a man (relating to dating). But I’m not, which is really quite fine. I just wish men would do their duties and not try to push them onto women.

The following are tips for men that should be common sense but became not so common of sense lately because of men becoming lazy. I have learned that men don't do these things from personal experience. And it is not appreciated.

1. Never ask a girl on a date over text. It's offensive. And also I don't really consider it a date cause it's like, how am I supposed to know it's a date? Then I'm all confused and then it turns out it is a date and then it's annoying that you couldn't actually call to ask.

2. Never take a girl bowling on one of your first dates. No one likes bowling dates. I've gone on countless bowling dates and they all just mesh together.

3. Don't get the girl's door when you pick her up then not get it later, like after dinner. It's trickery; making us women think you're somethin special. Once you get her door once, you have to commit. You have to get it every time. And if you never get it, then you're not a worthy date.

4. Don’t try to give a girl your number or tell her to text or call you. This guy recently said to me, "I'll give you my number so you can text me and we can do something." I called him out on that and he ended up getting my number, but it was already a large strike against him.

5. Pay with your card because it's awkward when the girl has to sit there watching you sort through your cash.

6. Don't be late for a date. Even five minutes. If you're running late, call her right away.

7. Don't be awkward.

So there you go. I promise you, if you take these tips to heart, your dating life will be much enriched.

prove it.

you know how when you play sports with boys, they never pass the ball to you if you're a girl?

it's a thing that all boys do, without exception.

it's a thing that i hate about boys.

k yeah, boys have a gender advantage. they don't have to work as hard to be as good at sports. but that just means that if a girl is equally as good at a sport as a boy is, then the girl really is better because she had to work three times as hard to get there. just saying.

the other night i played ultimate frisbee with a bunch of people, boys and girls. we had captains and they picked who they wanted on their team. of course, the boys were picked first, then the girls. i was last because nobody really knew me. at first, i ran up and down the field a few times, only really touching the frisbee when i ran to steal it or block it. eventually some of the boys hesitantly threw the frisbee to me. i missed a few passes, but not because of something i did wrong. they threw the frisbee too high or too far. but of course, it looks like i made the mistake. mostly because i'm a girl. if i had been the one throwing it and the boy missed it then it would have been my fault.

after proving myself 4 or 5 times (and they were good provings, such as getting the winning point, stealing the frisbee, etc) i was the first girl picked when we got new teams! how exciting! the first girl! the worst boy was picked before me. and trust me, i was better than him. not only was i better than him, but most of the girls were better than him. honestly, in this group of people, i wouldn't say that the boys were any better than the girls. it's just a thing though. boys just think that boys are always better. they're cocky.

i shouldn't have to prove myself, but i guess i'll always have to.

good thing i'm good.

men

why can't more men be gentle? like, a gentleman?
...walk a girl home at night.
...open her car door.
...drive when you go places together so she doesn't have to.
...have a two sided conversation.
girls will like you more. it's just a thing.

moneymoneymoney

i'm sorry, but i have to get out another frustration.

i hate when people ask for donations so that they can go on a humanitarian trip.

one of my facebook friends just posted, "so i was thinking today how little it would take from each of friends if they each pitched in. if they all donate $2, (that's only 15 minutes of working!) then i will get enough money to go do service for a whole summer in a different country!"

in my mind that's saying, "give me your money so i can go on a vacation for the whole summer." if you can't pay to go on a humanitarian trip, don't go. people have gotten too comfortable asking people for money these days. i could never imagine asking people for money to go on a trip, go to school, or anything, really.

i know people think that since it's a humanitarian/service trip that it makes it okay to ask people to give money in the name of service. but really, even if you're on a humanitarian trip, you're still on a trip. and you shouldn't ask other people to help you pay for your trip. why don't you ask for people to donate things that you can give people, like clothes or blankets. not for money for your plane ticket.

i went on a humanitarian trip a few years ago to india. i saved up for a long time to go. i didn't ask for a penny of a donation. i am not bragging. that's how it should be. that's how it used to be. now days people think it's normal to ask others for money. if you want to go on a humanitarian trip, plan ahead and save up and don't you dare ask anyone for money.

racist

i am currently listening to a conversation in which a boy said, "beyonce isn't bad for a black woman." and a girl responded, "that's only slightly racist," in a sarcastic tone.

can i just tell you how annoyed i get with people being so racist happy these days? like my martin luther king party. someone laughed that all of our treats were racist. THE HOLIDAY IS CELEBRATING BLACK PEOPLE. the holiday itself is racist, in their sense of the word.

what people don't know is that the true definition of racism is the following:

rac·ism  (rszm)

n.

1. the belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.

2. discrimination or prejudice based on race.

that kid never said that he thought a white woman was superior to beyonce, because she's black. he never said that she was slut because she's black, she's just a slut because she is one. he was simply saying that he preferred white women to black women. it's the exact same as saying he prefers blondes to brunettes.  

it drives me up the wall when people say things are racist, when really they're not. it's just someone commenting about someone being black. not in a derogatory way. just an observational way.

a while ago i showed up at my friends house with two men, one black, one white. later, a girl was asking about the black one. she didn't say, "the black one," she said, "the one with the gray coat". 

ridiculous.

the after date text

dumbest thing ever, in my opinion.

why would you, after just saying goodnight and thanking your date for the lovely evening, ever text him minutes later saying,
"um, i'm not sure if you remember me saying thanks like five minutes ago... so, thanks again! i had such a great time! you are so charming!"
when you really did just say it to him... in person.

it's insulting, really.

cause now you're gonna be texting for a while, possibly. and texting is kinda lame. especially compared to a date, if it was a good'n.

it's especially weird when guys send the after date text.
"hi, i know i just thanked you at your door, but i wasn't sure if you heard me. thanks again for coming on this date with me, it wouldn't have been the same without you."

please, just let it be.

dislike

there's one thing that i really really dislike a lot. 

facebook wedding groups.

sassy and wilson are getting married!!!!!!!!!     [overabundance of explanation points]

if you want an invitation to our wedding, give us your address by [enter date here] !

or, in other words, 

you invite yourself to our wedding, give us your address so we don't have to even pay attention to who we're mailing it to, and then bring us presents!!!!!!

then there's the constant facebook reminders. 
last chance to invite yourself to my wedding!

um, seriously? you really want to 'invite' 400 people to your wedding on facebook, 350 of which you barely even talk to anymore [or maybe never have talked to]? whycan'tyoujustaskmeformyaddresspersonallyinsteadofinviting400peopleatthesametime.

i never put my address down on those. cause, if you couldn't tell, i think they're retarded.

it's kinda like when people update their facebook status, 

dear everyone [yes, all 426 of you],
i lost my phone and/or got a new phone! if you want me to have your number, send me a text with your name! 

k, what?
how hard is it to just go ask the ten people whose numbers you lost, for their numbers? and if you're feeling less prideful you could even say, 
'hey, i lost your number. can i have it again? cause sometimes i like to use it.'
but, you can't do that, cause what if they said no?

facebook is making everyone stupid.

text

My texting patterns suck.

I've gotten complaints, but, I kinda think that those complaints will never be resolved. My friend will be like, "Ugh... you never text me back! You never answer your phone!" And I'm like, "Whoa! Looks like someone's gettin a liiittle too attached!" I used to be good and text people back. But, now I don't.

I have two major problems in the texting area.

1. I don't respond to texts unless they are questions... mostly.

2. If someone texts me a question, I will read it, then shut my phone and deal with it later. Like, maybe five hours later.

I hate people who do that. So, my apologies.

Texting is dumb, anyways. Mostly. Like, when you're texting someone new, you have to make sure to put smiley faces and explanation points so that they won't think you're mad! 

For instance, you can't just write: Get some.

You have to write: Get some!:)

or else they'll think you're being mean.

It's true even for me. Mostly when people text without any punctuation, I think they're pissed.

Like: get some

So basically, all I'm trying to say is, get some.

the worst moment

in the world is when it's time to leave home to go back to logan.
i hate it.
i feel like crying, most times.
like today.
once i'm at my logan house, i'm fine. totally fine.
it's just that moment when i have to leave my momma and pops.
i get sad inside. 

ripped

i've been going to the school gym a lot.

encounter 1.
me: 'hi, how are you?'
boy who scans my card to get into the gym scans my card, doesn't look at me, and mumbles something.

encounter 2.
me: 'hi, how are you?'
girl who scans my card to get into the gym scans my card, looks at me like, confused, and whispers 'hi'.

these people who scan my card to get into the school gym are, in fact, not middle schoolers. they're college students. i wish that adults could look someone in the eye when they are spoken to, and were polite enough to smile and say back, 'good, how are you?'

but, alas, people are retarded.

how did that girl who scanned my card ever get married? (she was in my ward last year)
how did that guy who scanned my card ever make friends? (i don't know that he actually has any, i'm just guessing)

people have no courtesy these days. all the people that work at the gym scanning cards do... is scan cards. and also sit on the computer and facebook.

what qualifies someone for such a job? you don't have to have any skills except knowing how to scan cards. so wouldn't you at least try to find someone who knows how to smile?

i can only imagine what their interviews are like.
interviewer: 'what's your name?'
interviewee: *looks down at his toes* 'jor......'
how did he get hired?

one day, when i'm feeling bold and brash, i'm going to ask the card scanner why they hate their job so much. and why they hate people.

mustache

i like mustache march. it gives men an opportunity to increase their classiness for a month. it doesn't seem to be as popular as novembeard, though. the nice thing about mustaches compared to beards is it's hard to have a patch-stache, while it's easy to have a patch beard. as a result, almost every man that participates in mustache march looks nice. many men who participated in novembeard grew patch beards and they looked horrid.

i only wish that women had theme months. like novembrow. where we didn't have to pluck our eyebrows. or pit-tober. where we didn't have to shave our pits. but, i guess those don't make us look better like mustache march and novembeard do.

all you mustache haters out there, back off.

six things

That made me happy today:

1 Got a presentation over with.
2 Went grocery shopping.
3 Wore a cute outfit.
4 Talked to my roommate, Camille, for a while. This is rare.
5 Wrote my own version of 'Lead Kindly Light'. And I kind of love it.
6 Played Lightning (the basketball game) with a bunch of boys for FHE.

travel

All I wanna do right now is travel. Anywhere and everywhere.

I see pictures of England and Australia and I long to visit those places.

But, I wanna go for more than just a few days. I want to get the feel of the place and get to know the culture and people. Be more than just a tourist.

Then it makes me think, I should just be a traveling musician. Tour to different cities and play a show. Make a little dough. Maybe I should get famous.

But let's be more realistic. If I don't get married for a while, then I can just travel the world.
Cause by then I'll have the resources. 
Sounds good to me.

Why does the world have to be so big?
I'll never reach every place.

 

valentines day

NOT single awareness day.

I am aware that I am single most days. Heavens. Valentines is not about having a kissing buddy.

It's about love.

I have a lot of people in my life that I love, and I don't even have a kissing buddy. There is nothing wrong with being single. It just means you can crush on, cuddle, and hang out with any guy you wish. You can even like multiple guys at the same time! When you're not single, all of those privileges are taken away. However, when you're not single, you love not having those privileges so it all works out.

Valentines is a day of love. Not sulking that you're single. So maybe you should make valentines for your friends. Or your mom. Or a boy that you like. Remember when you were a kid and you made Valentines for your friends and left it on their porch and doorbell ditched? You probably don't, because my friends and I were the only ones that did that. We made it up. But now I'm giving you permission to copy us.

All you 'single awareness day' people. I hope you did not think like that when you were a child in elementary. Back when we all brought cool valentines boxes, like toasters and toilets, and walked around the classroom and gave everyone valentines and treats and put it in their boxes. You were probably sulking, thinking "I'm already nine years old and I'm still single. My teacher isn't single. I hate her. Why does she get someone and I don't?" This thinking is just a excuse to feel bad about yourself and cover up your insecurities about being single by telling everyone, "Happy Single Awareness day!" Well, to that I say boo.
 
Just think of all the people you love and that love you. That's what Valentines is all about, Charlie Brown.

you? psh, me.

This seems to be the theme of far too many men I know.

Boy walks up to me, hugs me. I ask how he is. He immediately proceeds to brag about his latest project/life experiences. Sometimes he even shows me a picture or video to demonstrate. I am interested, because I actually care about other people's lives, so I ask questions, smile, and act excited, because I am. We talk for a while then he starts to walk away as he finishes his last brag, not once asking me how I am or what's new with me.

I guess men have found out the secret of women.

We LOVE when men do that. 

In fact, we can't get enough of it.

All we want when we talk to a guy is for him to brag about his accomplishments and fun things he's been up to and then dash off, without a care.

It makes us feel special that he would care about us that much to tell us all those things about himself, that he trusts us enough to share that special information.

I can't remember the last time I was on a date where I didn't feel super special. This is because my date always made sure to brag about himself the whole time, and never bother to get to know me, because I would hate it if he got to know me.

I mean, what girl would ever want to talk to a guy that said,
"Hey, how are you?"
"What have you been up to?"
"It was great to talk to you."
"That's so cool that you did that!"

Not me.

I guess guys just understand us girls. They know we don't want them to get to know us. They know we don't like talking about ourselves. They know that the way to our heart is by talking about themselves for hours.


I am so grateful.


Disclaimer: I don't love talking about myself, I just wish it could be a little more two sided.

twelve twenty-five eleven

Christmas. A holiday worth celebrating.

Celebrating with your very favorite people if you can help it. But alas, sometimes you cannot help it. Sometimes your brother+wife have to go to her family's for Christmas. But, that's okay. I coped by drinking bubbly.

You know what this made me realize? When you get married, you get double the presents. Money from your own family's Santa and goodies from your spouse's family's Santa. If that's not an incentive to get married, then I don't know what is. But, since I'm not the greedy type, I think I'll wait a bit. Not that I'm like, "Shew!" to all them men. I'm just like, "Whatevs. Whenevs."

My Christmas morning started with Reeses Pieces. It ended with a book. It was filled with bubbly, games, getting sick of games, potatoes, pie, and iPod exploration. Oh, and church, which was swell. I also watched It's a Wonderful Life for my first time. It was a wonderful part of my life. But really, it was just about fine.

It was overall a day worth living.